remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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