I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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