it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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