Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Randomize
