I wish my penis had an off switch
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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