After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize
