Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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