Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Randomize
