I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
