Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Randomize
