So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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