He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
we made out on top of his cat.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
organizing the empties. That sober.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
