Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
