just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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