I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Randomize
