i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
