Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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