Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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