i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
He had one of those small greek statue penises
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
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