If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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