tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I smell stomach acid.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
well, you know. whores of a feather.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
