you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
