yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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