I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
