First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
