Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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