shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize