Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
