Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
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