Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
