You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
All the doctor said was why
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
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