im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Randomize
