i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
