And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
