She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
