plz talk dirty to me
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
