no, he came in my armpit
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Randomize