u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
you have to choose: penises or morals?
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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