I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
