Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Randomize