i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
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