She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I enjoy the company of your penis
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
