Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
