Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
A+ Viking dick
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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