How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
