erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize