i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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