how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
