just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
