the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
