"it" just moved
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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