How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
