Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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