I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
