Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
