It's like a parade of train wrecks.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
We need a shit load of segways right now
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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