i was rollin on her like bob the builder
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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