woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize