You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
My bed smells like the plague
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
