the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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