I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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