and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
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