so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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