I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
