I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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