it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Randomize
