i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
My vagina is officially offended.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
