You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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