Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
