Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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