lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize