Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
