I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
