Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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