Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
