OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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